When children quarrel, it’s the mother who turns disputes into sweet resolutions. Her wisdom is the light by which they grow into tomorrow’s leaders. And such a mother was Asmāʾ bint ʿUmays.

One day, her sons—Muhammad the son of Abū Bakr and Muhammad the son of Jaʿfar —got into a spirited argument. The topic? Who had the greater father.

“My father is nobler than yours,” declared the son of Abū Bakr.

“No, mine is!” retorted Jaʿfar’s son.

They turned to their mother to settle it. And Asmāʾ, the wise mother that she was, didn’t hesitate:

“Among the young men of Quraysh, I’ve never seen one nobler than Jaʿfar. And among the elders, I’ve never seen one more honorable than Abū Bakr.”

Her words were sweet fruit—fair, measured, full of love. And the argument ended right there. But behind that calm, lay a life of storm and sweetness.

Asmāʾ, wife of Jaʿfar ibn Abī Ṭālib, lived through some of Islam’s most defining moments. She and her husband embraced Islam early, and when Makkah became a furnace of persecution, they joined the Prophet’s ﷺ first migratory wave to Abyssinia. There, in that faraway land, they found safety and peace.. In Abyssinia, they could prostrate without fear. There, Asmāʾ gave birth to three sons: ʿAbdullāh, Muḥammad, and ʿAwn. Years passed. Then came the call to return. The Muslims had conquered Khaybar. The blessed household of Jaʿfar came back to Madinah—a second migration, after the first.

It was during this time that ʿUmar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb made a comment that stirred something deep in Asmāʾ.

“We reached the Prophet before you,” he said, “and we are closer to him than you are.”

But Asmāʾ stood firm and responded:

“That’s not quite right. Yes, you were with the Messenger ﷺ. He fed the hungry among you. He taught you the Qur’an. But we were far away, in a distant land— Still, we held fast to Allah and His Messenger.”

When she recounted the incident to the Prophet ﷺ, he listened carefully. Then came his gentle affirmation:

“No, ʿUmar and those with him are not nearer to me than you are. They all made one hijrah—and you made two.”

Asmāʾ’s heart swelled with joy. But joy and grief often arrive together.

During the Battle of Muʾtah, her beloved Jaʿfar went forth to fight. He left behind his children in her care. And one day, while she was with them, the Prophet ﷺ himself came to her door. He knelt and gathered her children into his arms. His eyes brimmed with tears.

“Ya Rasūlallāh,” she asked, her voice tight with fear, “Is there news of Jaʿfar?”

The Prophet ﷺ nodded gently.

“Jaʿfar has been martyred.”

Asmāʾ collapsed. The Prophet ﷺ stayed to comfort the family. He instructed the Companions to bring them solace. Yes, her heart burned with loss. But her soul knew: Jaʿfar had offered his life for the truth. And the Prophet ﷺ announced to all:

“Allah has replaced Jaʿfar’s arms with wings. He soars through Paradise, flying wherever he pleases.”

Asmāʾ’s grief turned into sacred pride. Time moved on. A new proposal came—from Abū Bakr al-Ṣiddīq. She accepted. From this union, a son was born—Muhammad. She stood by Abū Bakr through his caliphate, offering steadfast support and love. Before his death, Abū Bakr made a final request:

“Let my beloved wife Asmāʾ be the one to wash me.”That day, she was fasting. She fulfilled his wish with reverence and care. Later, the mantle of marriage was passed to none other than ʿAlī ibn Abī Ṭālib. Asmāʾ became the wife of yet another lion of Islam. What an extraordinary life. What unmatched blessings.